declaration

I don't want to start all over.
I don't want to spend endless hours discussing the best ad placements.
I don't want to jump every time the phone rings.
I don't want to have to constantly carry my phone.
I don't want to over evaluate every extra cent I spend in comparison to how many ads I could have placed.
I don't want to attend another family gathering childless.
I don't want to feel like I am spinning my wheels.
I don't want to have an empty nursery.
I don't want to research adoption laws in the various states we advertise in.
I don't want to hear one more person say it happened for a reason.
I don't want to trade this necklace
for this one
I don't want to work on our adoption profile... again.
I don't want to not be able to trust any potential birth mothers who calls.
I don't want to wonder if I am doing all that I can do.
I don't want to be the people other people feel sorry for.


BUT I WILL!


I will because it wasn't our time and this wasn't our child.
I will because I know there is a child out there for us.
I will because I know how extremely happy we felt a month ago when we held that little one.
I will because I can't imagine our future without having a child or children in our lives.
I will because building our family is our top priority.
I will because I know this is the path we are meant to be on.
I will because somewhere there is someone who will be thankful to have found a family like us.

And so, we start again. We start looking for our birth mother. We search for the woman who is carrying the sweet little baby that we will love forever. We pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off. It doesn't mean that we aren't still sad about the events that transpired. It means that we can't go forward if we are always looking back. It's definitely time for us to go forward.